Funny Wedding Day Stories

 

Well my story involved the engagement of two of my best friends. My buddy asked me to be his best man, and I was honored. So I spent a lot of time before the wedding preparing for the little speech I had to give. I'm a pretty good public speaker in general, so I figured I would just sort of get an idea about what I wanted to say, and wing it from there. Big mistake. This was my first 'Best Man speech' so I was going in pretty much blind. So the wedding goes by perfectly, except that my friend (the bride) chose pink (she called it Blush, it was pink) to be the undercolor of the Tux's. So after dinner and some drinks it comes time to make my speech.
Someone hands me a mic, and I wait for the guests to quiet down. My mind goes blank, so I start to ramble on about how much of an honor it is to be here, to be the best man, see true love etc etc. So while I'm trying to come up with a decent speech, I start pacing behind the table without realizing it (and probably because of the alcohol).

So I finally come to what I'll call the end of my speech and ask everyone to raise their glasses in a toast to the bride and groom. Unfortunately I was standing right behind the last girl in the wedding party's chair, and she backed it right into me. I lost balance, and the mic cord wrapped aroud my left foot as I stumbled. Right into their cake. I fell backwards, arms spinning, sending bits of cake flying everywhere. The entire room fell silent. I think I heard the bride swear loudly before a few people started laughing. Soon the entire reception was laughing.
I had no choice but to get up, recovered my dignity, and ask for the toast again.
//cleaning bill on the tux $125
//all the cake I could eat, priceless


Mods please delete my other post (voting enabled now).
SO...
My Weddding.
My brother is dating a female about 12-14 years older than he is, and needless to say, she is a bit 'sketchy.' My brother, being my Best Man brings her as a date. The entire night she gets mad at people and family of mine whom she had never met before, making a great first impression on them.
To my brother-in-law, she yells at him for being rude and not 'clinking everyone's glass at the table during the speeches.' Apparently if you do not clink their glass, you are disprespecting them.
So, my wife and I do the first dance, after which comes the Father of the bride/daughter dance and the Mother of groom/son dance. Halfway through, the band calls everyone to the floor to commence dancing. My mother, being all sappy invites my family to dance in a circle dance, together.
Because she was not part of the immediate family and had only been dating my brother for a few months, my brother's girlfriend was not invited in to the circle.
She got so angry that she ran out the door and started biatching about it to one of my mother's good friends. She then commenced to have a full on argument with my brother about how rude and judgemental my parents are/were and how she can no longer stand to be at the wedding.
After fighting for about 2-3 hours and trying to hit on every other single guy at the wedding, she convinces my brother to take her home and leave the wedding early.
He leaves, and the rest is history, buried in some other thread.


My cousin's son met a girl, fell in love, and tried to plan a wedding. He was 21, she was 24. The bride-to-be was an only child, and her parents had just gotten divorced. Even though 99% of the guests at the wedding were coming from Arizona, the bride insisted that the wedding be held in her home town in Colorado. My cousin and I, and various other people, decided to rent a full-size van and drive up. We had a total of 5 adults and 7 children. The children raged in age between 15 and 18. Before we left Phoenix, we stopped at McDonald's drive through for breakfast, and my cousin ordered 20 Egg McMuffins w/ Sausage. About half way through our 10 hour drive, the kids, who were the only ones to eat the breakfast, started to get the egg-farts. The last 5 hours of the drive were almost unbearable, as the 7 kids took turns farting every 15 minutes. Every time one of them farted we'd have to roll down all the windows to flush out the smell. It was disgusting, and I'm pretty sure one or two of those farts turned into 'sharts' that weren't admitted.

We finally got to the hotel on Friday night, checked in, showered, and went to bed. I had my own room.

The bride, who apparently never entertained guests in her life, had originally planned to serve food at the reception. The food she chose? Cold cuts, coffee and water. Once my cousin heard that (my cousin being the mother of the groom), she insisted on paying for the food, and we were able to enjoy prime rib and beer and wine, as opposed to random pieces of ham and cold water.

The ceremony took place on Saturday, and went quickly without and drama, although we did notice that the bride had the minister leave out the part where he asks if anyone has any objections to stand up. Since the groom's side of the family probably all would have stood up, it's best she left this out.

They rented out the reception hall at the hotel for the reception. They booked it from 5:00pm to midnight, and hired a DJ to play music. My cousin had bought enough food for about 100 people: 27 showed up, and by the time 7:00pm rolled around there were 5 of us left.

So - we hit the bar, where there was a kick-ass band playing, and all got drunk. My cousin's husband, the groom's Step-Father proceeded to get drunk enough that he threw his hat at 2 random guys at the bar, who had done NOTHING at all besides walk in the bar. His brother had to wrestle him back to MY room, since I was the only one who had my own room with no one else staying in it. The rest of the night consisted of my cousin, her husband, the brother and me, trying to keep the husband in the room and calm while the hotel called 3 times to tell us to keep it down or be kicked out. My cousin got disgusted with her husband and left half-way through the night, leaving me with her husband, who at this time had puked all over one of the beds and all over the nightstand, and the brother, who was sound asleep in the clean bed. What could I do? I crawled into bed with the brother. We've been going out ever since.

The ride back to AZ the next day was almost unbearable. All of the adults were hung over, and the kids had gotten hold of more Egg McMuffins. We do not talk about this trip. Ever. It happened 4 years ago, and yes, the bride and groom are still married too.


OH...
I have another great one, involving one of the bridesmaids from our wedding at another wedding.
This girl, we will call her "Amy" for her sake, is a lush, and a drama queen.
Amy was the maid of honor at her friend "Megan"s wedding. Amy, realizing that she has never been in love, much less had a boyfriend longer than two weeks, starts drinking rather heavily. Before it came time to do her speech, she decided to grab the Microphone from the band and start her speech about how she didn't really like the groom at first, blah blah blah, but she grew to love him, blah blah blah. Towards the end of her horrifically long speech, she was doing 'kiddie talk' at whoch point, the bride got up to put her hand on her shoulder as if to say, OK thanks for everything, your time is up. Amy slapped the brides hand off her shoulder and kept talking. It finally ended, at which point she screamed that there was no longer any more alcohol (there was plenty).
Later that evening, she sets her sights on a guy and convinves him to go upstairs with her. After being gone for about 45 minutes, his wife starts to wonder where he had gone. Many people knew where and with whom he gone, but didn't want to get involved. An hour later, the two reappear, with bedhead. The guy and his wife leave immediately, as she had guessed where he had been, and Amy then sets her sights on yet another guy. He, having seen the entire evening unfold, brushes her off. She then locks herself into the bathroom, crying about how she will never find the right guy, etc. etc. The only person she will let into the bathroom is the bride, who has been protected from all of the drama that night, and no one is willing to get.
In the end, she spent the better part of the evening in that bathroom crying.
It was an awesome wedding.


My only crazy wedding story involves a handle of Jim Beam, a few cases of beer, and my friend spending a night in jail.

My friend Chad was in the wedding party for our friend Tom. He did the whole reherseal dinner on Saturday, got good 'n loaded. Me and other non-party folk went out to a concert that day, came back and ran into two friends we hadn't seen in a few years and went up to my hotel room. What do I find in the room? My friend passed out face down on the floor, being the trooper he is, he wakes up and continues to drink with us.

Before long, he is extremely trashed, and as it happens, decided I needed to have my ass kicked. So we were fighting for a bit, nothing too serious, he was just trying to wrestle me. He took a few headers off the wall, corner of the couch, and ended up with a nice cut over his eye. At this point its about 2 am and the manager knocks on the door and warns us that he's gonna call the cops unless we shut him up. That fails miserably so I removed myself from the room hoping he'd forget about trying to beat the shiat out of me and just pass out (that room and the room next door were in my name).

No more than five minutes later I hear the cops outside, they knock on the door and take him away in cuffs. Next morning, one of the other groomsman walks in and says "Hey, where's Chad?" and he's met with the response of "Jail." and he isn't the least bit surprised.

So, he goes off to pick him up from the drunk tank with another friend, and the cop tells them "That's 5 grand, if you don't have it,get the fark out" and proceeds to tell him that Chad was being held for assault on an officer of the law after sending one to the hospital with a broken foot. So, Phil, the one in the party, apparently believed him and immediately starting scheming to get the 5 grand, such a good friend. My other friend, Dave, realizes that Chad would never do such a thing and inquired, sure enough, it was not Chad who sent a cop to the hospital, it was the other guy they were there to pick up involved in a domestic dispute at the same hotel.

It took them a few hours to get Chad up but they eventually got him up and cleaned up and to the wedding on time, word is the Groom and his family all found it to be funny as hell and supposedly it relieved a lot of tension. Chad was a trooper and made it there, and was stuck on outside door duty, in June, in a black tuxedo. You could smell the whiskey coming through his pores when you walked into the church, ahh good times.


/damn that was way too long for a "my friend got thrown in jail story"


I got married in February of 1996 to a woman from East Texas. The town was so small you could fit the gene pool in a dixie cup.

Her family was all part of the United Pentecostal church. I however was raised catholic. I figured I'd go with their ceremony since I don't like to make too many waves and I'd have to deal with them the rest of my life.

The ushers were terrible. They sat my family and friends (all 10 of them) on one side of the church, and the rest of her family (the rest of town) on the other side, since nobody wanted to sit near the heathen catholics.

Our respective mothers came up and lit our unity candle for us and we were supposed to sit there and look at each other while the pastor was spouting off about love and marriage, etc.

A large piece of wick had broken off my mother's candle and fallen on the edge of the unity candle and continued burning I noticed it but decided I wouldn't do anything about it and would wait to see how it played out.

Well there was a lot of wax already melted in the candle and the wick had burned a notch in it. My mother noticed from the audience and made a motion to me to blow it out. I smiled and shook my head "no." the notch became big enough to where the wax started running down the candle all the way into the fake flower arrangement.

You can guess what happened next.

The wick slid down the side of the candle and the whole thing burst into flames.

Her side of the church was horrified. They took it as a sign from god that I was the debbil. I couldn't help but laugh as one of the ushers grabbed a fire extinguisher. My wife thought it was hilarious.

I should have taken it to be a sign anyway, since the two years I was married was like one Springer episode after another.

 

www.fark.com

Posted on October 2, 2016 .